We can want to have control.
We can want to plan their days, their friends, their futures. 

All coming from the best of intentions, of course, we want to set our children up to have the best experience of their life they can have - to give them every advantage. 

So the prospect of releasing control seems scary. 

All the what if scenarios can run through the mind into infinity. 

What if they don’t get into a good school? 

What if they don’t get a good job? 

What if they don’t… 

Truly the list could be endless. 

And from one parent to another, I deeply and truly understand and feel these inquiries. 

And yet, something feels off about it. 

From the moment some children are born their lives are being planned. 

What is the best pediatrician?
What is the day care?
What is the best pre-school?

And if we keep going down that path we can see how we can truly get so far out ahead of the child to have planned out their whole future potential existence - all pointing in one direction - the certainty of their success. 

But let’s play for just a moment… 

Take a breath… 

Let’s explore. 

What if we as the parents are still holding old programs and imprints that have us carrying around a whole bunch of external expectations, motivations, and ideas of what “success” actually is? 

I remember reading something once where most parents truly just want their children to be able to care for themselves and to be happy. 

And that sounds lovely and like such a truly pure perspective, but is that actually true? 

Are we willing to allow our children to have a say in their own path and determine what success really looks like and feels like for them? 

If your child is at the top of their class, gets into the best school, makes enough money for their lifetime and beyond but is living under an immense amount of stress, anxiety, and pressure - so much so that it literally gets in the way of their enjoying what they are creating - is that what you want? 

Even the question I wrote above, “are we willing to allow our children…”, implies that we have control over our children. 

And truly that is one of the greatest battles we can face as parents is around who is in control.  

Control of what? 

Control of who? 

Yes, we want the best for them, but what does that mean? 

Do they have to wait until they are 18 or 22 or 26 and done with graduate school before they get to weigh in? 

What if we were to relinquish control? 

What if we were to begin to partner with our children and their intelligent design that brought them into this world, to you as a parent, at this precise moment in time? 

Is it possible there may be an intelligence available to us that is beyond our own, mind, heart, spirit? 

Is it possible that when we release control that we are actually really partnering with our children? 

Is it possible that we are being set up to honor who they uniquely are and what they have come into this world to experience and create? 

Is it possible that we don’t always know best? 

In my experience as the parent of 3 children ages 17 to 11, I have had the amazing opportunity to witness this in varying ways.  I have had the experience of my own childhood, the kids in the Waldorf school system, and now homeschooling and unschooling.  

And over the deschooling process, what I have witnessed is amazing and wonderful.  

This is not because these are “my children”, they aren’t actually mine to start with.  ;) 

This is because I have the honor of witnessing the growth and development of 3 unique souls who have come into this family to walk the path with me as their mom. 

I understand control. 

I have spent enough time trying to have it to know the consequences and the paths that lie before us. 

I also see now how getting curious about each child’s unique path, informed by their intelligent design, supports them to really become themselves.  To know themselves. To honor themselves.  To make decisions that support themselves.  

What I am sharing is not new in some circles, but in others it might even be considered outrageous!

To witness our children to discover themselves as they go along their own paths is truly a gift. 

They are wise. 

They make brilliant decisions. 

They are so capable. 

And as we hold this perspective - free of a lot of conditioning and societal stories and programs, it becomes so much more clear how committed society is as a whole to make sure that every child receives the best. 

It just so happens that the best includes - which schools and when, which jobs and when, which sports and when, which internships or volunteer opportunities and when, which friends, and on and on. 

Now I have not walked the path to adulthood with any of my children.  And I also have the experience of wondering at times if everything will be OK - if I am truly providing them the opportunities and experiences that will support them on their path. 

And what I know and experience is that we, as humans, (including children!) are wired to move in the direction of our highest good, in the direction of our highest evolutionary path.  And only when something presents itself to override that path or disrupt it strong enough is there a counterbalance that can take place. 

I am not a perfect parent.  Never have been.  Never will be. 

And I don't strive to be. 

Although I am wildly committed to deprogramming myself every step of the way to be a clear witness of each person’s unique gifts to support them on their own unique paths. 

Unwinding the control programs, clearing the external expectation and obligations that exist within the family and the societal structures are imperative to the true learning and development we all truly desire for our children. 

What I know to be true is that as a parent my job is to support my children to discover themselves, to discover the tools that support them through the challenging feelings and experiences, and to support them to walk their evolutionary path with a love for learning. 

And in the last 10 years of supporting leaders, entrepreneurs, visionaries, and creatives to find this for themselves at ages 30-60, I can only imagine what is available when children begin to have this gift from the moment they enter this world - or before.